I was in bed thinking about how life gives us so many opportunities to grow. Also, how in the midst of it all we often have no idea what we are supposed to be learning.
Sometimes it feels like a crossword puzzle. Some answers are obvious. Others not so much. We read the clue and nothing seems to fit. We check our dictionary, call a friend, call another friend, search the internet, pray, and then possibly begin to think “they” must have made a mistake because there is no answer. We have finally caught the powers that be in a cosmic error.
Then I step back and acknowledge that it might be something I can’t see. Maybe I’m too close to it or trying too hard. Maybe it means I don’t know right now….I can’t see the light at the end of that proverbial tunnel….I must surrender to the moment….I must wait for the answer to be revealed…
Maybe it is – we live in a broken world and it is our response rather than the answer that determines how we move forward….because some things make no sense. Maybe it is wait instead of pain.
We have to sit with the pain to find our way forward. We may not sit peacefully. We may choose to box, pinch, kick, run away from, or deny the pain but it waits for us. It waits for our acknowldgement and for us to decide what relationship we choose to have with it.
In this place we can find faith and hope. If we choose to cling to nothing more than this, we choose to move toward healing. Maybe it’s not the pain that hurts, it’s the wait.
Tell me about the times you have had to wait and what it revealed. Maybe you are still waiting. I would love to hear how you are doing.
Have you have experienced an event so stressful it continues to haunt you? You may have had someone label it PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Whatever it is named or not named you re-experience the heart pounding, the shortness of breath, the flashbacks, the fear or the dread.
I understand. I was particularly tired the other day and my breath hitched in my chest for some reason. It took me back to a desert place in my life when I was ill. One of the most frightening symptoms during this time was difficulty breathing. I rocked myself to sleep some nights not knowing if my breathing would stop but also knowing it might only be then the doctor would find out what was wrong. I got up every day trying to find a flower petal in the midst of the dirt. I railed against God and pleaded. Why didn’t I deserve a miracle? I believed in them. I’ve heard of them. Maybe God was angry with me? Why? Help! Why?
I never stopped talking to God. This doesn’t mean faith was ever present. I frantically searched for an answer. There had to be some way to make sense of the senseless. Any minute I would be blessed with wisdom and insight that would make everything understandable and dare I say…. controllable. Thankfully God received my cries of desperation and despair as prayer.
I know the bible states “yay tho I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil.” I wasn’t sure about evil but I was certainly afraid. As I began the long journey back to health, I shared my confusion with my husband. I believe his was the message from God when he said “how do you know there wasn’t a miracle.” Ahhhh. That one made me pause. My vision is so limited I have no idea what my experience could have been. I only know I am here to share it with you.
What is your Valley? What is your struggle? What is required for healing? There is no one answer but it is important to find what works for you.
1. Create a healing team – this includes anyone who is positively supportive of you and what you are trying to achieve. This does not mean blind agreement, it means loving engagement.
2. Begin, continue, deepen a meditative practice – there are many different ways of doing this. Try them until you find one that makes you go ahhhh.
3. Keep talking to God or keep up with our spiritual practice, whatever that is.
And that hitch in breath I experienced… – after stopping, checking in with my body and waiting a second… it was just a “oh that just is” experience. There was no reason to make it more than it was. I could move on.
Please share about your Valley and how you have or are continuing to heal.
Welcome to my first blog! I finally gave up trying to do it perfectly .
I’d like to chat about how we begin to create space in our lives for what we want, at the deepest part of who we are and who we are becoming. I’d also like to explore how faith helps to create that space.
Here’s how that showed up for me with this blog. I enjoy writing. I have conversations in my head about what I would like to talk about if I had a blog.
I filled that space with looking at blogs, reading about how to write the best blogs, searching for the “right” theme, contemplating failure because no one will read it, and questioning if I really had anything to say. There was no time or mind-space left to sit down and write. I felt an internal nudge to do this and filled it with activity….just not the activity in which I wanted to engage. Why should I step out in faith without knowing the outcome? Ahhhh.
So let me talk a little about how I think about faith. Faith is the belief in something outside of our human understanding. The name I use for that which is inside and outside of us is God; some people say the Universe, the Divine, Yaweh or Spirit.
Here’s my first step. I’m excited to learn what what we will discover together as we explore healing and growth through our various experiences and belief systems. So for those who embrace, struggle with, wonder about, question and/or all of the above these ideas, I’m excited to be on this journey with you.